21st Century Awareness - As Time Goes By

Yesterday as I watched a programme about *the eating and cooking habits* of The Germans, more or less going back to the Germany after WW2, also a Germany split in 2, separated by
the Berlin wall. Several persons were interviewed, telling their story about how it was *then*.

Most of them reminisced - all of them even rather melancholy, women were at home, nor in a career, eating at home was normal, eating out very unusual and were talking about *the day*
that for instance SPAGETTI either *Bolognaise* or with that typical Italian Tomatoe Sauce was THE HOTTEST fad.

What struck me most of all: the really AWFUL pictures shown, not that the ğictures were that bad, what I saw was awful, The Beatles, Adenhauer, former East Germany and the absolute
DREARINESS overall.

Gosh I commented: did I also go through those '50's, 60's, 70's, living life as it was then? How
ghastly, dreary it all looked to me NOW, quite happy with being alive in this year 2009, with
so much going on that I feel * gives colour* to life.

That 21st Century Awareness stayed with me as I slept, because this morning I felt rather great.
Not I, Mrs *Great*, but rather great - as in good, fairly energetic despite the heatwave we are suffering here (Turkey), as in I am feeling fairly happy.

I know that sounds *unhappy*, but I can assure readers it is *happy*.

Sometimes you can feel troubled, restless, worried for very valid reasons, which happened.
Even under terrible emotional endurance lasting *as if it would never end* I stayed a rather happy-with-my-life- person until at some moment I discovered that I felt absolutely terrible.

That invisible leaden burden seemed to cause me to feel as if life was not worth living, a useless existence, no longer *needed* as a retired person, out of the mainstream and looking at faces of people I once knew with horror.

Yesterday, Monday 20th July, 2009 I managed to fill out my 2008 Tax Income Paper ONLINE, electronically and within seconds it was done, and was I able to see the result - to pay or a refund - and how much. My taxform online is never the same as the year before, and until now
I have not been able to get it right without the help (by phone) from a taxform expert.

When it was BEHIND me - and that was real proof: I really had to keep saying to myself: I AM FREE - it is done. And as I said *proof* how even a tiny issue as this - (I knew that I would not be taxed more than I had paid already) can hang over your head 24/7 and make your life miserable.

With that 21st Century Awareness - determined to get things right, done, behind me, I was
rapidly starting to feel more like *the old me* - the one I like much much better, but that
*old me* lived 20-25 years ago, in main-stream, and with a life and life-style I really enjoyed.

Until now however I have not yet been able to say: thank goodness that is behind me.
I know you see, that it was not all it seems to be NOW. As I said: I did enjoy everything then, and now 20-25 years older: I probably would not want to return to that life, in fact I cannot because it is behind me - done with.

How *feelings* can be your best *weather forecast*, also I know. How bad, unhappy feelings
can influence your life permanently, I knew as well, but it had not happened to me then, not yet.

Now, despite a chronic shortage of money, because I am supporting my daughter and granddaughter, which made me the most miserable, I am slowly beginning to feel slightly
better, almost as if *The Law Of Attraction* (in which I do not believe really) is opening up old
alleys, I always knew and considered being part of me.

As if some real evilness was able to block those alleys, not wanting me to be happy and SUCCESSFUL. And such awarenesses, that this can really happen, I not only believe, I KNOW
in fact *it exists*.

It would be wonderful to enjoy life again and look forward to many more *HAPPY DAYS* turning into more and more *HAPPY YEARS*

What I notice as a sensitive, each moment these last 20 or so years, I consider RESEARCH, next to *a learning process* and in time, as these happier feelings occur, and *take me back*,
I shall be able to explain better.

Until a next moment in my life: enjoy your summer, your holiday, your life.

Willy